For the attention of my customer satisfaction champion at HSBC bank

The Shed,
End of the garden,
Woking
11 Oct 2011

Dear Sir/ Madam / Person of indeterminate gender,

Whilst I have long taken a traditional view of accounting practices and have till now believed what's mine is mine, what's your in yours, I can see that we live in extraordinary times.

I am also aware of the heavy responsibility as a consumer of Chinese electronics, Polish labour, German engineering and Scottish sour grapes that I must do my part in saving the world economy, by getting out there and spending.

You may be aware of the, till now, restriction of the low balance in my bank account which has prevented me from performing my duty in the world economy.

However I am now pleased to announce I am undertaking a programme of Quantitative Easing, and the £75.13 in my current account should be replaced with a figure of £1,000,000,000.00 at the opening of business tomorrow.

I promise to spend it all quite quickly saving the world economy.

Yours faithfully,


Man in a Shed.

PS I realise this may sound irregular, but its quite kosher for the Bank of England, so please give Sir Mervyn King ( chairman of the Bank of England and Monetary policy committee ) a call if you need to go over some of the details. Since this is just an electronic transaction there will be no need to undertake anything messy with printing presses and dead trees ( just the sort of bottle neck that caught out the Argentine government a few years back ). I take my responsibility to the environment very seriously indeed.